Beans; Baked.


Beans are awful. Heinz baked beans. Well, any baked beans. They’re overcooked, or undercooked, depending on how you like them. The texture is somehow simultaneously powdery, mushy and lumpy. There’s no resistance; no pleasing vegetable firmness when you bite in, indeed biting isn’t necessary at all, yet this lack of substance has no melting quality as you eat; the beans don’t lose their constitution in a pleasing way as you gum them into incorporeality.

It’s the sauce I really hate, though. “Bean juice” is a dribbly fart of oversweetened underflavoured sub-ketchup that hasn’t seen a real tomato since the old king died.
The bean is everything that’s worst about British food: nutrition-free over-processed veg in tasteless sugary sputum. Yuck

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